Wednesday, February 01, 2012


Boy, Gods of Fortune have knocked on my door. I received today an email which could be life-changing for a simple man from me. While BN government is dishing out a meager RM500 to all, here is someone offering me money beyond my imagination.

From : Ms Gloria Andre
I am Ms Gloria, the only daughter of late Dr and Mrs Andre Pesaga, from Cote d’Ivoire. My father was a very wealthy cocoa merchant in northern part of Cote d’ Ivoire. He was killed along side with my mum during the political crisis in my country Cote d’Ivoire. My late father deposited the sum of Eight Million Nine Hundred Thousand Dollars(US$8,900,000.00) with a bank in Ghana under some conditions. I contacted you to assist me transfer to your account and invest it in any lucrative businesses you know that can better my future.

Presently I am residing under political asylum in  Ghana and the condition of life is very unbearable over here most reasons I contacted you. I am willing to offer you 20% of the total sum as compensation for your effort/input after the successful transfer of account overseas while 3% will be mapped out for expenses that may be incurred during the transfer process. Please if you touched to help me, kindly reply.

Thanks and remain blessed

Just did a quick calculation. Gloria got US$8,900,000.00. That’s about MR27,590,000.00 moolahs at US$1-RM3.10 exchange rate). Now, generous Gloria wants to give me for my effort if I take up her offer RM5,518,000.00. Thundering typhoons… blistering barnacles… Lima Juta Lebih… I am weak on my knees. Then again why would a simple man like me need this much money.

So a letter to Gloria is appropriate. For easy reading decided to just highlight my reply.

1          Dear Gorilla, oh sorry, sorry me calling you a gorilla. Gloria… yea Gloria.

2.        “Daughter of the late Dr and Mrs Andre Pesaga from Cote’d’Ivoire”.
            Really huh ! Did a little web search and found out that you have been you have been writing to many netizens with the same introduction. Still do I care you are the daughter if you’re the daughter of a doctor or a baboon.

3         “ wealthy cocoa merchants”
         Wow. Yeah… I love cocoa chocolates but not black coons… sorry chocolates. Sure not,wealthy con- artist ? Anyway the senders of all emails I regularly get have described themselves as “the granddaughter of Idi Amin”, “the grandson of Muammar Ghadafi”, “the cousin of Ferdinand Marcos”, 10th child of Charles Taylor and somehow all these wealthy children want to befriend a simple person like me. Great.

4.        “He was killed alongside my mum…”
            Awww ! that is sad but what a wife …in life and death together. Bless their good souls.

5         “Deposited UD$8,900,000.00 with a bank in Ghana”
          Fu Yoh ! that’s more “koli-muthas” than I have in my fridge. US$8 million over moolahs…. That one hellava money ? 

6          “Assist me in transferring into … (my ) account”
           Goodness gracious ! you hardly know me from Adam and here’s you making a business proposition!

7          “Willing to offer 20% for (my imput/effort)”
          Really? Boy, you are surely heaven sent. Are you sure you are not an angel in disguise ? Of all the billion people in the world and ET, you found me. What can I say. So the beef if I get a 20% cut from the loot. Hmm… let keep it simple. “No thank you. You can stuff your stinking con inside the place where the sun don’t shine… you coon-ass”. How’s that for a NO.

8          “if I am touched, I am to help you”
         Now… now now…no getting mushy mushy eyes gorilla… oh sorry Gloria, yeah, you ask if I am touched.  Getting involved in your scam could get me really F****D. Find another sucker. Good try. You sure you are not writing all this from some cyber-café in Kepong or Puchong ?
9.        Gloria…. Gloria nice try. As they always say, a sucker is born every minute.  Someone else.

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